I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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