Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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