I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
