You're earring is so big in my mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
