This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She told me I should be a condom model.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
