he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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