Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
