Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
