Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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