Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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