i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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