Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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