He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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