all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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