my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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