She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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