There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My ATM looks so different sober.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
