Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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