All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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