So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
