He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
