The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
