Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
