Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
