You can't special order awesome
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
