in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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