Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
