dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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