...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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