You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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