my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
