I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize