Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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