i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
