Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
