ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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