there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There r osticjed everywhere
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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