Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize