3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
