I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
