I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
