If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
