I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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