i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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