I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
