Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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