final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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