i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
