Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
