I think my vagina is haunted
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
