I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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