you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
