I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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