he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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