Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
