She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
