Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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