And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
