i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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