Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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