Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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