I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How's work?
Spinning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
