just tell him i said nine months
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize