I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
