is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You ruined the universe
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
