yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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