Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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