A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize