He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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