I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
