on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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