This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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