90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize