I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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