I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
