i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
