all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
